It’s been nearly an hour since I’ve been awake. I can see the sunrise trying to peak through my curtains and give my bedroom a natural wakeup call. I hear the birds chirping for once this week & here I am typing away.
These past few Saturdays have been easy ones for me to sleep in on, but not this one. It’s back to work season and I’m perfectly ok with it. One client in the morning and one consolation shortly afterwards. I’ll take it. I’ll take being productive over being busy/bored all day, every day.
The dogs are slowly waking up too. Aside from the midnight wake up call of having to stretch or go outside and use the “necessary”, they really aren’t a pain in the ass to have in my bed.
I went out last night to one of the local art trails Lubbock puts on every first Friday of the month. It’s always been a good exercise for me to go out and mingle with people. I saw a lot of people I know, but only crossed paths with a few of them & actually talked or hung out with them.
I don’t know whether to call that rude or a bit of a bad habit. A small part of me wants to say “hello”, but I honesty just prefer to keep going. If anything, it’s the introvert in me who finds being in large public spaces and greeting everyone I know exhausting.
Truthfully, it’s always better when they approach me and say hello. I’m on autopilot most of the time anyway.
So it’s not that I didn’t see you-I did. I just didn’t want to say hello to you.
It’s not personal. It’s just me.
Fighting the Need
It’s not that I don’t enjoy the company of others-I do. I’m just not as co-dependent on people like most people are. I’m used to being alone. My time in Seattle REALLY gave me the time to practice that skill and be good with it.
Being single in this day & age is certainly easier to maintain, but difficult to navigate. Pay attention to the maintain part.
The dating pool hasn’t really shrunken for me at all, but rather just expanded and become a bit more categorical for me. I meet plenty of women everyday that I wouldn’t mind dating. All the time.
However…(you knew that part was coming), my overall character is bit much which makes it daunting to try to even date me.
I’m not “Jesus Christ” like enough, I’m not country enough, I’m not rich enough, etc. I don’t check off a lot of boxes here in West Texas.
I do check off plenty of other boxes, but it’s the secondary ones (or the ones they don’t want to tell their parents about).
My hubris is fueling this post, but also holding me back from truly going full blown “James” on this one.
In short-I find dating to be overrated, expensive, and boring. I’m enamored more by what I’m building with my personal training, my podcast, and my blog. Because in reality, it’s more organic and real than dating is to me at the moment.
Dating requires me to be toned down and quite frankly, I grew tired of that role years ago.